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Monday, November 20, 2017

Athletics Day

Athletics Day
“Go Dereon” said my mum. When It was runing time my mum cheered for me and my nan recorded me running. When the teacher called out the age of 9 I went down to the field to go race. I was waiting for the people to race so that i could race in. when it was my turn to race Ms Aireen              said 3 2 1 GO!

I ran as fast as i can to win the race. I did the 50 meter race. I came second to last. Then we did the 100 meter race. we had to go to the other side off the field. Ms Aireen said, 3 2 1 GO!

I ran to the end i was hoping that i come first but at the end i came second to last again. Then we did the relays but i wasn't called out for the 9 year olds so i went to my mum. They were racing around the track. Ms aireen said, 3 2 1 GO!

Then they ran around the track they were so fast and so confident. When it was over we did our charts then when  it was finished we went to class to grab our bags and go.

16 comments:

  1. I like the way you did diglog in the start of your wirrting.Nice work.

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  2. Wow this is so inspirational But make sure to Use your capital letters in the right place.

    I can say 3 good things about your writing.

    1.Inspiring
    2.Paragraph
    3.dialogue

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. I like the way how you use paragraphs and dialogue to your story.

    I have a suggestion maybe, you could put more detail into your story.

    from Lily

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  6. I like the way you have used the word confident and how you have used dialogue in your story

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  7. I like the way you introduce the characters

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  8. I like the way how you started with dialog in the beginning of your story saying go Dereon said my mum.
    I have a suggestion maybe next time you can proof read it and check your I's.

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  9. Hi dereon I like the way you have used dialog and heaps of detail in your story and you used paragraphs I think you need to use capital letters well any ways good job

    by maani

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  10. I have a suggestion read your work because I can see a couple mistakes but good job

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  11. Hi Dereon,

    I really liked your recount. It flowed so beautifully as I read it. I love the way you have introduced your setting by using a dialogue and how you explained each idea in detail by using paragraphs. One little feedback is that I would love to see you using capital letters for names and the word 'I' consistently.Well done Dereon!

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  12. Dereon I like the way you put detail and dialog in your story.
    Dereon I have a suggestion maybe next time you could put all of your "I's" in capital

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  13. Hi Dereon

    I like how you Explained what you did on Athletics day and what the other kids were doing. good job and well done

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  14. I love about your story is you have lots of detail and describing words. And it is so excited

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  15. I like the way you did paragraf and I like the way you did capital letters in the the beginning of your senses.you could of did some more detail

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  16. I like the way you used dialogue in the start of your recount.

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